Discovering Life's Purpose Through Memento Mori: Reflections on Self-Expression

Introduction

This year has been a though one. And though times teach great things. I am somewhat scared of death, well not that much, but I am starting to respect it, and that’s why I am going to write my thoughts here.

“Memento Mori” would a stoic say.

I always have been a very reserved guy, with all that opsec things in mind, but now the idea of leaving something about me, here on the internet, fascinates me.

Why?

It is like writing on this blog makes myself eternal. I definitely don’t want, and I’m not planning to die soon, but in the event of it I would be more “relaxed”. I think I understood that the real scare of death came from the fact of not having expressed myself “enough” (at all), as I usually never tell things about me to others.

I don’t know if it’s a thing coming from the ego or from the soul, but I know it is the wish of leaving something about myself, like the ancients did. I guess I am just (finally) aging, LOL.

This year was deeply different from the others. In the others I have learned a lot of technical skills, but now I feel more human, more vulnerable. It all started in January with a kind-of love story that completely destroyed me and made me think how much I didn’t understand myself and my needs and how I was putting others’ ones before mines. To understand this simple concept I needed a person to continuously play with my feelings until I finally reached a break-point.

After realizing that I started to see how much people do this every day. I discovered there exist a behavior that comes in two flavors:

• We keep forgetting about ourselves in order to serve others.
• We forget about others in order to serve ourselves.

They are the two sides of the same medal, and they can co-exist in the same individual. The medal is the fear of death. A binary mind that can only choose one extreme or another, and that cannot decide depending on the situation, is a lazy one.

The result

At this point, because I am mortal but I also wanna enjoy life, I decide to respect death, but not to fear it, and the only way to enjoy this gift that comes from an unknown place is to always, respectfully, express myself.

Now stop being so serious and lets get back hacking everything :P